


You deserve to be saved.

by Buttermilkpants



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Dean Has an Eating Disorder, Denial, Past Suicide Attempt, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, self hatred, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-04 02:38:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4122811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttermilkpants/pseuds/Buttermilkpants
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This fic contains self harm and suicidal elements, as well as an eating disorder. If this will trigger you, please, please, please do not read it. Also if you guys are feeling sad or need someone to talk to, I'm here. Feedback is appreciated.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic contains self harm and suicidal elements, as well as an eating disorder. If this will trigger you, please, please, please do not read it. Also if you guys are feeling sad or need someone to talk to, I'm here. Feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 1

"Dean," boomed a loud voice "Wake up! You have to take me to school!" "Son of a bitch" Dean mumbled as he looked at his alarm clock, now awake. Shit, he thought to himself upon seeing that it was already 7:20. He had to leave in ten minutes! "Coming, Sammy" he shouted back to his little bitch of a brother. No time for breakfast, he presumed, oh well. It's not like he was going to eat it anyway. Dean scrambled to find a long sleeved shirt and some jeans. After doing so, he grabbed his phone and ran downstairs, pulling on his leather jacket as he did so. "You're really wearing that?" Dean's little brother, Sam asked, "It's like 80 degrees out Dean!"  
"Yes. Now get in the car. Bitch," Dean said with a fake smile. "Jerk," Sam easily replied. Dean hasn't worn short sleeves in a while, Sammy pondered, Maybe he's just cold. What Sam didn't know, was that there was a more sinister reason behind the sleeves.  
Ever since that first night that Dean had picked up the blade, he couldn't stop. He made cut after cut, scar after scar, every night. He was always careful never to let his sadness show though, he couldn't bear the thought of being an even bigger burden. He hadn't eaten normally in weeks either, hoping, praying that no one would notice. And no one ever did. Or so he thought.  
"Sammy you comin' or what?" Dean shouted from his pride and joy, the midnight black 1967 Chevy Impala dubbed Baby. "Coming!" Sam shouted back, snapping out of his thoughts and racing to the car. "It's gonna be a good day today Dean, I can feel it."  
"Yeah, whatever nerd," Dean responded affectionately. He ignored the pangs of longing and sadness that came when he realized that he really, truly wished that was true. Maybe I'll make a friend today, Dean thought. It was, however, sarcastic; even to himself.


	2. My savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel Novak, popular and cool, decides to ask Dean for a seat at lunch. This won't last, or so Dean thinks.

Chapter 2

Just another day in hell, Dean thought, sitting down at his usual lunch table all alone in the corner. He had left the trash on his tray in order to pretend that he had eaten. It's not like anyone would ever notice anyway, considering that no one at this school even knew he existed. 

  
"Hello, Dean" came a deep, gravely voice that he would recognize anywhere. But there was no way. No way it could possibly be Castiel Novak. He was way too popular and cool to talk to Dean, with his perpetual dark sex hair, strong lithe runners body, and electrifying blue eyes. No, he didn't know who Dean was, he couldn't ....right? But there he was, Dean thought, astonished, yes indeed was Dean's crush standing in front of his table. "May I  
please sit here," came the gravel filled voice once again. It took a second for Dean to register that he was asked a question and blushed slightly at his lack of attention and vowed not to let it happen again. Upon Castiel's repetition of his question, Dean couldn't believe his ears. "Uh, sure," he uttered, entirely bemused at this new coming of events. "Thanks," Castiel said with a smile whilst sitting down. This table was a lot less lonely with two people, Dean mused, too bad it's not gonna stay that way. 

  
"So," Castiel asked a still clearly confused Dean "How are you Dean?"  
Dean almost fell off his chair, not at the question, he was asked it often enough, but at the genuine concern in the other teens eyes. This has to be a prank, it just has to be. "Peachy,"responded Dean, bitingly sarcastic "I do have a question for you though." Cas, as he'd dubbed him in his head, looked at him expectantly, blue eyes nearly causing Dean to forget his question in the first place. "Yes, Dean," he asked sincerely. "Who put you up to this?" At this, Castiel cocked his head to the side in a dog like position, confusion blatantly strewn across his face. "What do you mean?" Dean sighed, trying, and failing, to mask the hurt and pain that flickered across his face,"I mean who dared you to sit with me? Or is this some kind of prank? 'Let's make the loner feel like he has a friend, what a nerd!' Well it's not funny so if that's what you're doing you can just leave,"he said fully expecting to look up and see an empty seat in front of him. What he hadn't prepared for was seeing a very confused and slightly hurt Castiel staring at him with his head still cocked to the side. "I do not know what you are talking about, Dean. I simply came to talk to you. But if you dislike my presence that much I can leave," he spoke, moving to get up, seeming almost... Disappointed?  
"No!" Dean said, a bit too forcefully. He more quietly added,"I mean, you can stay. I don't mind." Castiel, beaming now, sat back down comfortably and thanked Dean, only for him to brush it off, acting nonchalant. 

  
"So, you said you wanted to talk to me," Dean spoke slightly awkwardly, as if he couldn't possibly fathom the notion of Castiel being interested in him. "Yes. You seem very nice and I was thinking we could become friends." Dean almost choked on his own spit, "Y-you, Castiel Novak, popular guy, want to be friends with me?! Dean Winchester, resident nerd and verbal punching bag?" "Yes," Castiel responded a moment later with a sad look in his eyes," is that... A problem?" "No. I guess I'm just a little surprised is all. Shocked, actually, that you even know who I am." Now it was Castiel's turn to look bewildered. "Of course I know who you are, Dean. How could I not? And you are not a nerd or a punching bag as you put it. Please don't say that about yourself," he said with that strange sad look in his eyes. When Dean spoke he was legitimately confused, "Why not? It's all true."  
"Dean Winchester!" Cas exclaimed, surprising Dean into looking up at him, "Don't you ever think that any of those things are true. Because they are not." After seeing Dean's grim expression, he added "Not to me anyway." At this, Dean smiled. Wow, Castiel thought as he vows to himself to do whatever it takes to get to see that smile as often as possible. 

  
Suddenly, a thought made itself known inside Castiel's mind. "Hey, Dean?" Upon seeing Dean look at him expectantly, he continued on with the question, "Would you like some of my food?" As soon as the words left Castiel's lips, Dean froze, confirming his suspicions. "I, uh, I already ate," Dean said tensely, with a fake smile in which Cas could see through as though it were glass. "No, you didn't." It wasn't a question. "Cas,"  
Dean started, but was immediately interrupted by the other boy. "Dean Winchester, you listen to me and you listen carefully. You understand?" After seeing Dean's reluctant nod, he continued, "You deserve to be happy, Dean. That includes your health, meaning you have to eat." Upon seeing his disbelieving expression, Castiel rushed to add more. "I mean you have to take care of yourself, think of everyone who would miss you, were you to fall ill." "No one, Cas, no one." "I know for a fact that you have a younger brother who cares very strongly for you,-" "He'd get over it,Cas,"Dean interrupted, which Castiel promptly ignored. "-and I would miss you. Very much, I might add." Dean stared at him for a very long time, a mix of shock, sadness, disbelief, happiness, and longing covering his face. "Thank you, Cas," he said, near silently. "Of course, Dean," Castiel easily replied, "it is but the truth." The two sat there for a very long time, staring into each other's eyes (although they'd both deny it), falling into a comfortable silence.


	3. The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel and Dean hang out a bit and maybe discover some new things.

After finishing his last block, Dean headed out towards his baby to pick up Sam. When he was about halfway there, he heard a familiar voice. "What do you mean, you have a date?!" A moment of silence, and then the gravely voice came again, "You were supposed to pick me up, Anna...... Damn right, you owe me one. We don't live that close." Castiel said his goodbyes and hung up the phone. He was about to walk off down the road, when Dean spoke up. "Hey, Cas," he faltered a bit once he had a pair of beautiful blue eyes focused on him. "Hello, Dean," Cas spoke with a smile. Smiling slightly, Dean asked, "You, uh, you want a ride man? I mean, you don't have too, I heard you-" "I'd love a ride, Dean," Castiel said, effectively cutting off the spout of insecurity, "thank you." Dean blushed slightly and mumbled something along the lines of " 's no problem, Cas." The two boys smiled at each other for a few moments too long before Dean broke away, heading towards his beloved car. 

Upon on reaching it, Dean said proudly to his secret crush,"Meet Baby." At Cas' raised eyebrow, he explained. "This beauty, is the only thing my piece of shit Dad ever gave me," a flash of sadness crossed his face, near-instantly replaced by one of pride. "Can't complain though. She's amazing. 1967 Chevy Impala. Rebuilt 'er from the ground up. Took a month or two, but I loved every second of it." With a gummy smile, Cas responded, "She is very beautiful, Dean. I can see how much pride you take in her."  
After entering the car and finally exiting the school parking lot, Dean asked, somewhat awkwardly, "So Cas, man, where do you live?" Before the boy in question could answer, Dean began to needlessly ramble on (Led Zeppelin anyone?) "I mean so I can drop you off at your house-" "Dean-" Castiel tried, and failed, to interrupt." "-I'm not a stalker or anything. I swear! And I have to pick up Sammy, my baby brother. This was a bad idea. You probably don't even want the ride anymore-" "Dean!," Castiel almost shouted, barely containing his laughter, "It's fine. I don't mind that you have to pick up your brother. It's fine." "Sorry," Dean said sheepishly. "It's alright, Dean. No need to apologize. I live at 4729 Heaven Road."  
"No way! I live like five minutes from there."  
"Good. We should hang out sometime," Cas said with a smile, which quickly diminished upon seeing the utter disbelief on the other boy's face. "I mean it, Dean," Cas was quick to reassure. A shy, almost shy smile broke out on Dean's face. "Sure, Cas. I'd like that." They sat in companionable silence on their way to pick Sam up, classic rock playing softly in the background. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Heya, Sammy," Dean half-yelled in an attempt to get the youngest boy's attention. Sam groaned as he turned around, heading towards the classic car. "Sammy is the name of a chubby twelve year old." "Aren't you twelve," Dean asked, teasingly. "I'm fifteen, Jerk." "Bitch," Dean said reflexively. Castiel could tell they were affectionate terms, even though they seemed strange to him. Sam headed towards the passenger seat, only for Dean to send him to the back. "Sorry kiddo, givin' Cas here a ride home."  
"I'm 15, Jerk."  
"Don't be such a little bitch, Sammy."  
After maneuvering his already giant legs into the car, the youngest Winchester (save for Adam of course) extended his hand towards Castiel, "Hi. I'm Sam. The taller and better looking of the Winchester brothers." Cas chuckled while Dean made a noise of indignation "Hello Sam. My name is Castiel Novak. Your brother was kind enough to give me a ride," he said, shaking Sam's hand. "Wait," Sam busted out,"Are you Gabe's brother?" The car started off towards the Novak household as Castiel responded. "Yes, I am. That's right! He does talk about you quite frequently. I hadn't realized it was you at first." Sam blushed slightly before speaking again,"Hey, Dean. Can you just drop me off at Gab- er Cas's house? Gabe and I are studying again today." Dean had a moment of realization before responding,"Sure, Sammy. I knew that address sounded familiar." Dean turned on the radio again, singing along under his breath. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The group pulled into the Novak's driveway a few minutes later. Sam and Dean said their goodbyes, and the former got out and ran to the front door, giant moose legs carrying him their quite quickly. "So, Dean," Castiel began, "since our brothers are at my house studying, would you like to hang out?" When the other boy just sat there, open mouthed, Castiel tries to remedy the situation, "I mean you don't have to. I understand if I've over stepped my bounds-" "NO," Dean quickly interfered. He continued, more quietly this time,"I mean yes. I'd like that. I was just surprised, is all." The smiles returned to both their faces.  
Once again, the two engaged in quite the staring contest until Dean broke away, saying,"I know just the spot, Cas."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few minutes later, they pulled up to a lake. In an unspoken agreement, they both got out of the car and sat on the hood. "Wow," Cas breathed,"It's beautiful." And indeed it was. Complete with dark green trees surrounding the deep blue of the lake. The water itself sparkled a magnificent array of shade and hues of blue, much like Castiel's eyes. It gave an aura of calm and peace, melting your troubles away. Like you were the only ones in the world. You could hear only the slight rippling of the water and the occasional chirp of a bird. Other than that, blissful silence. It was perfect. "Yeah, it is," Dean whispered, not wanting to break the peace,"I found it a few years ago. I come here to think." It was a moment before Castiel spoke again,"Thank you for sharing it with me." " 'course," Dean mumbled, enjoying the other boy's company as much as said boy was enjoying his. "Hey, Dean," he asked, turning to look at him, a favor which Dean soon returned. "Yeah, Cas?" He going to ask why I don't eat, Dean tensed up at the notion. Cas felt his stiffen, and decided to save that particular question for later.  
"Why did you assume that I didn't know who you were," he asked instead, feeling Dean relax slightly. "Well, you're... You. You know...." Dean trailed off, much to Castiel's chagrin. "No, I don't know," the slightly younger boy (only 3 months) responded, exasperated, "Explain it to me, Dean." Dean exhaled. After a moment of thought , he did his best,"Well you have friends an' shit. You're cool. You're on the football team for fuck's sake! You're popular. People actually want to be your friend. And everyone thinks that you're a bad ass because you don't sit with the rest of the team at lunch, but I know it's just because you don't like the way they treat people. And-And you're brave enough to pull the bullies off the smaller kids. Everyone kind of looks up to you. That or wants to go down on you. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've been pegged as the hottest guy in school since the day you walked in." After a few blush-filled moments of silence, Castiel spoke again, "I thought you were the hottest guy in school." Dean snorted, but stopped once he saw Castiel's deadpan expression. "You're serious? Me?!" Castiel simply nodded and said, "You are not atheistically unpleasing, Dean. Actually, quite the opposite. Many women and men like green eyes and freckles," Dean looked astounded, "Also, I've been told that your jawline is 'so sharp it could cut a bitch.'" Of course Cas would use finger quotations, Dean thought as his heart have a squeeze, "Okay." They were both back to blushing. "My eyes are nothing compared to yours, though," Dean muttered, bringing a smile to Castiel's face.  
Neither boy realized how late they had stayed in that spot. They had been too busy talking about everything and nothing at once, stealing glances at each other. Neither boy knew that their feelings were reciprocated. Castiel checked the time,"Oh crap!" "What?!" Dean asked, worried that he'd messed something up. "It's quarter to 10!" "Sammy!" Dean exclaimed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soon enough, they were back at the Novak's. "Thank you, Dean. I had a great time," Castiel said. "Me too, Cas. Anytime you want a ride," Dean once again trailed off, this time though, Cas understood. "We should do this again." "Definitely," Dean agreed smiling. The two boys stared at each other, grinning stupidly until they hear a loud rapping on the passenger side window, accompanied by a loud voice saying, "If you two are done eye-fucking, I'd like to go home and sleep." "Hello, Sam," Castiel replied while Dean sputtered indignantly at the 'eye-fucking' remark. "Goodbye Dean, Sam," Cas said, exiting the car. "Goodbye Castiel," "Bye, Cas," Sam and Dean replied respectively. After Cas and Sam swapped places, Dean tried not to stare at Castiel's ass, and drove off, waving, Cas waved back. They both still had the stupid grins from before. About halfway to their house, Sam decided to speak up. "Someone's happy," he said. Smile in place, Dean replied,"Shut up, bitch." After receiving a consequent 'Jerk' from Sam, he turned up the radio and continued on his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos are amazing and feedback is always welcome. I hope you like this, it took forever to write. Also all mistakes are mine and please point them out so I can fix them.


End file.
